Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think a kid would responsible me up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
