love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
