i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
