she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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