Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
