Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
