Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
