i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
