this beer tastes like vomit already
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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