you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
