RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize