I feel like abortions should bother me more
im holly from the hills drunk
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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