the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
