gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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