yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
