I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
