When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
