Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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