My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
