I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
