apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
