you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
