Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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