They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
