I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
