if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
