Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
