Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
