I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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