the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
