Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
