Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
