Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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