Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
