I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
