they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize