so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
