Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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