my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am mentally ready for anal.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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