I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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