there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
