Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
