my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
