If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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