In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
