Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
