my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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