last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
