I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
