all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
