All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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