the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
