She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My cat gives me a boner
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
