My sheets look like a crime scene.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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