im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
