somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
