I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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