are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
