this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
