hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
