Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
