we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
