Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
