just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize