Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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