tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
