I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
