so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
