After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
