I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
